My excitement about having another baby is starting to get there. I at least don't feel as bad about not being excited since talking to some second time mom's. I'm not the only one and especially the unplanned ones seem to be the ones that take longer to come around. It's strange how when I was pregnant with Sami, I was so into it from day one. I loved everything about it, I bounded strong and quick with her. But I'm already 14 weeks along and it hasn't really even started with this one. But like most of the other moms have said, you're so busy with the first one that it's hard to actually have the time to bond with the new one.
But then yesterday I went to see my cousin's new baby boy... he was only 19 hours old when I got to old him and he was so little and so beautiful. It made something inside me snap. I'm going to be holding someone very similar in only 6 months. And looking at him brought back all the memories of when I first held Sami and all the excitement it held. And then listening to Cade talk about what he witnessed, it just stuck with me. He was saying how he's always had respect for women and the things we go through that guys take for granted, but WOW... he has a whole new respect for mothers. The amazement of how our bodies create a human being and then the strength that it takes during labor and delivery and even post-delivery just gives you a whole new respect for mothers. That just really made me think about what a gift I have been given to create life and how for the past 10 weeks, I've just taken it for granted and wished it away at times. God has entrusted me with this wonderful gift and I have to believe that he wouldn't have done it if he didn't think Jason and I were capable of taking care of it.
So today I am actually a little bit excited about having another child. Sami will get better... or worse since she's turning two in only a few more months, but it's not like I can give her back at this point, so we'll just roll with the punches.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
My Boring Life
So I'm trying to post more, but nothing exciting really happens in my life... at least it feels that way. We are officially through the first trimester and I haven't felt nearly as good as I did when pregnant with Sami. Actually today I feel like crap. I don't want to eat and my stomach is queasy and I just want to lay down and sleep. Oh wait, that's a lot of days. I can't lay on my stomach anymore since it's starting to hurt if I do for more then a few minutes. But that doesn't stop Sami from climbing on top of me and sitting on me. How do you make them understand that they can't do that without them feeling like you don't want to be close to them? I was also thinking the other day... what happens when my lap is gone and I can't hold her close to me or carry her or hug her really tightly? I'm going to be sad about those things. But maybe by that time Sami will "get it" more and it'll be a whole new excitement.
I'm starting to accept this pregnancy more, but I still haven't really been excited about it and it scares me and I know it really freaks out Jason. I think with it not being planned and feeling like crap all the time, it's hard to be excited about. Maybe I have pre-partum depression... is that possible? If I was feeling great, then I may be able to celebrate a little. Oh well... hopefully soon. Jason was excited when he heard the heartbeat, but I think for me it's going to take feeling him move or seeing the ultrasound... the day will come and it will be fabulous.
My 30th birthday is only 2 weeks away and I am normally very excited by now and bouncing off the walls, but my thunder was stolen with being pregnant. This was supposed to be the big exciting year, but it will have to wait until next year. I am excited to spend Sunday with my mom and Nancy and get a maternity massage... I LOVE MASSAGES and I haven't had one in at least a year and my body could really use one... oh crap, I better remember to shave that day. Then the plan is that on my actual birthday, Monday, December 8th for those kepeing track, I'm taking the day off from work to spend with Jason. I think in the morning Nancy and I are going to get Jamba Juice and then Jason and I are going to see a movie... something we used to do all the time, but haven't been able to for quite a while. Then for dinner, we're going to Pablo's with my family and some friends. Pretty boring 30th birthdya, but it includes all my favorite things so I guess it could be a lot worse.
I'm starting to accept this pregnancy more, but I still haven't really been excited about it and it scares me and I know it really freaks out Jason. I think with it not being planned and feeling like crap all the time, it's hard to be excited about. Maybe I have pre-partum depression... is that possible? If I was feeling great, then I may be able to celebrate a little. Oh well... hopefully soon. Jason was excited when he heard the heartbeat, but I think for me it's going to take feeling him move or seeing the ultrasound... the day will come and it will be fabulous.
My 30th birthday is only 2 weeks away and I am normally very excited by now and bouncing off the walls, but my thunder was stolen with being pregnant. This was supposed to be the big exciting year, but it will have to wait until next year. I am excited to spend Sunday with my mom and Nancy and get a maternity massage... I LOVE MASSAGES and I haven't had one in at least a year and my body could really use one... oh crap, I better remember to shave that day. Then the plan is that on my actual birthday, Monday, December 8th for those kepeing track, I'm taking the day off from work to spend with Jason. I think in the morning Nancy and I are going to get Jamba Juice and then Jason and I are going to see a movie... something we used to do all the time, but haven't been able to for quite a while. Then for dinner, we're going to Pablo's with my family and some friends. Pretty boring 30th birthdya, but it includes all my favorite things so I guess it could be a lot worse.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I hate working
Sami was so cute this morning. She came walking out of her room this morning rubbing her eyes and in a half daze. She walked into the dining room and looked out the sliding glass door and then turned to me with a smile in her eyes and proclaimed "SO" as she was pointing outside. She was so excited to see snow on the ground, she had to have said it about 4 times.
After feeding her and changing her it was time to leave for Rachel's, but she was not interested in leaving. So me being the smarterer one said "Hey Sami, I'm going outside to play in the snow, see ya later". I opened the front door and looked at her now at the top of the steps and said "Here I come snow, let's play". She just about fell trying to hurry down the steps. I got her coat on her and she hurried out the garage and onto the driveway where there was still some remnants of snow left. She just stood there smiling and pointing and again saying "SO". It was so cute. Something so simple as snow brought such excitement to her and not to mention something I hate every aspect of except for the way it looks... it really can be beautiful.
Then after a few hours at work and complete boredom I was on Facebook and noticed that Rachel made a comment about dressing Anna to go outside so we were exchanging messages and I found out the kids were outside playing in the snow for almost 2 hours. It just about broke my heart at the thought of missing out on such an exciting thing for Sami. The picture in my head was her with a smile on her face ear to ear and just complete amazement at running around in it and I couldn't be there because I have to go to work. It's days like today that make me wish I could be a stay at home mom.
After feeding her and changing her it was time to leave for Rachel's, but she was not interested in leaving. So me being the smarterer one said "Hey Sami, I'm going outside to play in the snow, see ya later". I opened the front door and looked at her now at the top of the steps and said "Here I come snow, let's play". She just about fell trying to hurry down the steps. I got her coat on her and she hurried out the garage and onto the driveway where there was still some remnants of snow left. She just stood there smiling and pointing and again saying "SO". It was so cute. Something so simple as snow brought such excitement to her and not to mention something I hate every aspect of except for the way it looks... it really can be beautiful.
Then after a few hours at work and complete boredom I was on Facebook and noticed that Rachel made a comment about dressing Anna to go outside so we were exchanging messages and I found out the kids were outside playing in the snow for almost 2 hours. It just about broke my heart at the thought of missing out on such an exciting thing for Sami. The picture in my head was her with a smile on her face ear to ear and just complete amazement at running around in it and I couldn't be there because I have to go to work. It's days like today that make me wish I could be a stay at home mom.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Lifes Ups and Downs
Lately things have been going pretty well and I've been excited with all the upcoming events and then today we found out Ford will be closing down from Thanksgiving break until after the New Year... ugh!!! Huge disappointment. It wouldn't be so bad if Jason were considered a full-time employee and received supplemental income, but this is just something we will have to get through. He's going to try to pick up 40 hours a week at Target to make up for it and since we're going into the holiday season, he'll most likely be able to do that... but it's still not his Ford income. So now we have to buckle down and not spend any extra $$ during my 2 favorite holidays of the year... my birthday and Christmas... and not just any birthday, but my 30th birthday. I just need to get it out here so by the time I go home and see Jason tonight, it's over and done with because I know if I am making a fuss about it, it's going to be even harder on him. He's been amazing lately and this news just sucks. He was already picking up extra hours at Target so we could put some money aside for the new baby and now for the next 3-4 months, that's money we will rely on. It could be worse, Ford could be closing for good and Jason could be without a back-up job... so yes it could be worse and I am thankful that it is not. So what can I do about it? Nothing. So here I am letting go and letting God. It's out of my hands. All I can control is what I do and how I react and that means getting over the pitty party and toughening up. It's just another birthday and I'm pregnant anyway so it's not like I could go out partying all night, so we'll just celebrate big next year. And Christmas isn't about how much you spend on people, it's about how you make them feel and spending time with them so we'll just spread as much love and cheer this year without spending a lot of money. So I hope you all liked baked goods because I decided I'm going to be a baking machine this year and give people banana bread, pumpkin muffins, cookies, brownies, etc because who doesn't like that sort of treat... and for those of you watching your weight, I'll be sure to make something "life-style change" friendly.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Baby #2
It came as a shock on Friday night to find out that yes, I am pregnant again. Considering that Monday I went to the doctor to be put on birth control, this wasn't exactly the plan... but God had other plans. I'm finally getting over the shock today and am starting to feel a little bit of excitement and I'm sure that will build with time.
You know it's funny how when things happen in your life and then you go to church on Sunday and you hear exactly what you needed. Well that would have been me on Sunday. Obviously being shocked and surprised by the news of being pregnant, there were a lot of concerns that came rushing through my mind and then I went to church. The message was "Don't Worry". What a great concept. In the book of Matthew, it talks about how God says, if you seek me first, I will take care of you, just don't worry. Do you think the birds worry about finding food? No, because God will provide for them. And do you think the trees worry about growing big and strong, no because God will provide. Well aren't we humans more important then trees and birds? If God will provide for them, why would he not provide for us? So seek him first and he will provide. What a perfect message for me to hear. So I will not worry. I will let go and let God. And I will trust that as long as I put him first, he will take great care of me and my family.
You know it's funny how when things happen in your life and then you go to church on Sunday and you hear exactly what you needed. Well that would have been me on Sunday. Obviously being shocked and surprised by the news of being pregnant, there were a lot of concerns that came rushing through my mind and then I went to church. The message was "Don't Worry". What a great concept. In the book of Matthew, it talks about how God says, if you seek me first, I will take care of you, just don't worry. Do you think the birds worry about finding food? No, because God will provide for them. And do you think the trees worry about growing big and strong, no because God will provide. Well aren't we humans more important then trees and birds? If God will provide for them, why would he not provide for us? So seek him first and he will provide. What a perfect message for me to hear. So I will not worry. I will let go and let God. And I will trust that as long as I put him first, he will take great care of me and my family.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
My baby
So a little background information... when Sami was 1-month old, she was running a 103 temp which happened to be the day of her check-up. After some tests and an hour or so in the doc's office, she was admitted to the hospital and put on antibiotics for 3 days. During this time, we found out that she had vesicoureteral reflux in Lehman's terms it's urinary reflux. You can google it for more info, but the just of it is that when she pees, not all the urine exits the body, some of it goes back up the ureters and can cause UTIs and possibly kidney damage. So since she was a month old we've had to have her on a daily antibiotic and have regular ultrasounds on her kidneys and bladder as well as VCUGs (a test done by injecting a dye through a catheter and then Sami lays on a table and pees as an x-ray machine records where the urine is going)... not a fun procedure by any means.
Well on Monday we had Sami's check-up at Children's with her urologist to see how things are going since she was last tested in Dec. The good news is that her kidneys and bladder are in perfect form and the reflux on her right side was gone. The bad news is that the reflux on her left side is not any better then it was in Dec. After discussing our options with her doctor, he recommended having a procedure done that's called deflux. The recommendation is based on Sami not getting her antibiotic every day (which he agreed with me that based on studies done, there's not enough evidence to know if there's a long term affect from daily antibiotics or if they do much to prevent UTIs), how terrified and miserable she is getting the VCUG done and the fact that every time she starts to run a fever, in the back of our minds we always worry it's her reflux. So he told us to think about it and his office would give us a follow-up call to see what we've decided. Now we've seen this doctor 3 times since Sami was diagnosed and he is great with her and us and we trust him completely, so as soon as we got in the car I looked at Jason and asked what he wanted to do and right away he said "Let's do the procedure" which was exactly what I was thinking too.
So rather then wait for the doctor to call us, I called his office on Tuesday and Sami's procedure is scheduled for Wed, Nov 5th at Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. They're sending me more information, but I know we have to be there at 8am and her procedure is scheduled for 9:30am and should only last about 30 minutes. We will however be there for half a day due to anesthesia since she can not move at all during the procedure. It will definitely be a trying day, but I put my faith in God and Dr. Aliabadi that my baby will be just fine. And he assures us that by the next day, she'll be back to herself. Also by doing this procedure, we will no longer have to have the VCUGs done and there will be no need to cut her open like they sometimes have to when the child gets older.
Then yesterday I had to take Sami to her regular doctor for her 18-month check-up and she is doing awesome. She's developmental at a 2-year old level and socially at a 2 1/2 year old level, which the doctor said she looks like a 2-year old so I guess it's all in line. She's also at the 92% level for head and height and 97% for weight... so even though she's big, she's all in line, we'd only worry if the numbers were far apart from each other. So where did my baby go?
Well on Monday we had Sami's check-up at Children's with her urologist to see how things are going since she was last tested in Dec. The good news is that her kidneys and bladder are in perfect form and the reflux on her right side was gone. The bad news is that the reflux on her left side is not any better then it was in Dec. After discussing our options with her doctor, he recommended having a procedure done that's called deflux. The recommendation is based on Sami not getting her antibiotic every day (which he agreed with me that based on studies done, there's not enough evidence to know if there's a long term affect from daily antibiotics or if they do much to prevent UTIs), how terrified and miserable she is getting the VCUG done and the fact that every time she starts to run a fever, in the back of our minds we always worry it's her reflux. So he told us to think about it and his office would give us a follow-up call to see what we've decided. Now we've seen this doctor 3 times since Sami was diagnosed and he is great with her and us and we trust him completely, so as soon as we got in the car I looked at Jason and asked what he wanted to do and right away he said "Let's do the procedure" which was exactly what I was thinking too.
So rather then wait for the doctor to call us, I called his office on Tuesday and Sami's procedure is scheduled for Wed, Nov 5th at Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. They're sending me more information, but I know we have to be there at 8am and her procedure is scheduled for 9:30am and should only last about 30 minutes. We will however be there for half a day due to anesthesia since she can not move at all during the procedure. It will definitely be a trying day, but I put my faith in God and Dr. Aliabadi that my baby will be just fine. And he assures us that by the next day, she'll be back to herself. Also by doing this procedure, we will no longer have to have the VCUGs done and there will be no need to cut her open like they sometimes have to when the child gets older.
Then yesterday I had to take Sami to her regular doctor for her 18-month check-up and she is doing awesome. She's developmental at a 2-year old level and socially at a 2 1/2 year old level, which the doctor said she looks like a 2-year old so I guess it's all in line. She's also at the 92% level for head and height and 97% for weight... so even though she's big, she's all in line, we'd only worry if the numbers were far apart from each other. So where did my baby go?
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Just 2 more weeks
I weighed in on Friday and I was down another 3.2lbs... that's exactly 32lbs since I started 8 weeks ago. I was so excited, yet nervous at the same time. You see every time I've done Weight Watchers, I've lost 30lbs and then it was over. This time I am determined to hit my goal. I figure if I can get through the next 2 weeks, I will hit my goal. So wish me luck and stay tuned.
Friday, September 12, 2008
So Proud
I'm down another 2 lbs from last week for a total of 29 lbs!!! That's so exciting and reenergizing. I was a little down this week because I didn't see the scale moving as much throughout the week, but today is the day that counts. I really do need to get to the gym since I haven't in a couple months and I know that would really boost my weight loss. I just feel guilty leaving Sami and missing out on putting her to bed since that's the only time that really works for us. That and the fact that once I get home from working all day, pick up Sami, feed her, cook a meal for Jason and I, clean up after dinner and do the dishes, the last thing I want to do it go workout... I just want to sit my ass on the couch. I guess I just need to change my way of thinking... I'm not taking anything away from Sami by going to the gym. Her father can put her to sleep and the time I put in now means I won't die from heart disease at a younger age which means in the long run, she'll have more time with me.
She's growing by leaps and bounds and it just blows my mind. Now I don't have a lot to compare to being that she's my first, but she is so smart for her age. She says so many words and even though we don't completely understand it always, she does piece together words as well. And a drumroll please....... Sami went pee-pee on the potty last night!!! Now she has been sawing for months that she wants to go potty, but once she gets in there, she just sits on the toilet and smiles. And 2 nights ago, Jason was with her when after removing her and putting her back on teh potty twice and after about 5-10 minutes, she tinkled a little. But last night was so different. She stood by the bathroom door and said potty, so I went in, took her diaper off, put her on the potty, I saw the determination in her face and then she tinkled right away. We clapped and said YA!! and praised her and she was so proud of herself. I think her favorite part besides playing with toilet paper and making sudsies after going potty (that's fun talk for washing her hands). She's not even 18 months, but yet she's doing so well. She loves reading books and even repeats so many words that we read. I'm beaming today!!!
She's growing by leaps and bounds and it just blows my mind. Now I don't have a lot to compare to being that she's my first, but she is so smart for her age. She says so many words and even though we don't completely understand it always, she does piece together words as well. And a drumroll please....... Sami went pee-pee on the potty last night!!! Now she has been sawing for months that she wants to go potty, but once she gets in there, she just sits on the toilet and smiles. And 2 nights ago, Jason was with her when after removing her and putting her back on teh potty twice and after about 5-10 minutes, she tinkled a little. But last night was so different. She stood by the bathroom door and said potty, so I went in, took her diaper off, put her on the potty, I saw the determination in her face and then she tinkled right away. We clapped and said YA!! and praised her and she was so proud of herself. I think her favorite part besides playing with toilet paper and making sudsies after going potty (that's fun talk for washing her hands). She's not even 18 months, but yet she's doing so well. She loves reading books and even repeats so many words that we read. I'm beaming today!!!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Pushing Through
So at 6 weeks into this journey, I have lost a total of 27lbs and have passed my 10% weight loss goal. This week was different on the scale though. With the 30lb mark lumming, I'm scared of failing. I have done Weight Watchers a few times in the past and I've always lost 30lbs and then fell back into my old routines. So I'm trying harder then ever to just push through the next 10lbs... if I can get to 40lbs, then I can get to 50 and so on. I'm doing everything according to the plan, but I'm thinking I need to start exercising which is the difficult part for me. Not that I don't enjoy it, it's finding the time. But I suppose I should use the gym membership that I pay for every month.
I think the reason it's a little more difficult right now is that I feel lost in my personal life. The one person that I feel should be supporting me through this just isn't and that's so discouraging. Every week I'm so excited about sharing my weight loss success and the one person that should celebrate with me, doesn't even ask how it's going. I'm struggling a lot with that and there's other things surrounding that too, but nothing I feel comfortable talking about here. I just have a lot of thinking to do and I just don't want to think anymore... I want my happy, carefree and most of all happy life back.
I think the reason it's a little more difficult right now is that I feel lost in my personal life. The one person that I feel should be supporting me through this just isn't and that's so discouraging. Every week I'm so excited about sharing my weight loss success and the one person that should celebrate with me, doesn't even ask how it's going. I'm struggling a lot with that and there's other things surrounding that too, but nothing I feel comfortable talking about here. I just have a lot of thinking to do and I just don't want to think anymore... I want my happy, carefree and most of all happy life back.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Vacation Success
I did it... I lost weight while on vacation. I am now down 22.4 lbs in 5 weeks. THAT'S AWESOME!!! And if that's not motivation enough to keep going, I don't know what is. I'm all about instant results and am so excited and happy to be doing so well on this journey. I have faith that this time around, I will succeed and I will get to my goal.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Overcoming Temptation
Vacation is going surprisingly well. I was worried that I would let in to temptation with everyone around me not being on diets and you know how vacation can become a guilt free time for eating. But you know what? I have done really well. So well, that my mom and dad both told me that they were proud of me. Now my child isn't old enough yet to say that to me, so at this point, there's no bigger compliment... that made me feel so good to hear that from them. It came right after we went out to dinner for my dad's birthday. Everyone wanted to go to Dairy Queen, so we went. When we got there I had the debate in my head. About a month ago I had went on Dairy Queen's website to look at the nutritional info, so I knew a starkiss was the best choice there (only 80 calories, 0 fat, 0 fiber). They also had the nutritional information hanging on the wall. On the way there I was thinking I would splurge a little and just have a small vanilla cone. That is until I stood there with my Weight Watchers calculator and figured out the points... 5 points. That's 1/6th of my points allowance for the day. UGH!!! So I went up to the counter and reluctantly ordered my starkiss and walked out of the store. I DID IT!!! I overcame temptation. When I got in the car, my dad told me "Wow, I am so proud of you" and my response was a pouty "Well I'm not"... I really did want the ice cream, but I couldn't sabotage how well I've been doing. On the drive home after everyone got their blizzards and shakes, my mom had said "Heather, I am so proud of you. I thought for sure you were going to get some ice cream. That just shows you how far you've come." And she was right. And you know what, that starkiss actually did taste pretty good and I did have one small bite of my mom's peanut butter and banana blizzard, my favorite, and that one bite was enough.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Vacation
Only 1 day and 1 hour 40 minutes of work left before vacation begins. I CAN'T WAIT!!!
Sami and I are heading up north with my family and it's going to be so great to be away from work for a week.
I weighed in this morning and I'm down 19lbs!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! It's like it's just melting off of me and it makes me so excited and motivated to keep going. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Now I just need to keep it going next week on vacation, it won't be easy, but I'm going to try.
Sami and I are heading up north with my family and it's going to be so great to be away from work for a week.
I weighed in this morning and I'm down 19lbs!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! It's like it's just melting off of me and it makes me so excited and motivated to keep going. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Now I just need to keep it going next week on vacation, it won't be easy, but I'm going to try.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Seriously
I can't believe it... I'm down 11.2 lbs in 2 weeks... and I haven't exercised a single day. Did I really eat that horribly before? Apparently yes. WOW!!!
So it has me wondering, how much could I lose if I actually began to use the gym membership that I pay for? It will get more use once fall and winter comes, but with Jason's rigorous softball schedule and him working out, it doesn't leave much room for me to go to the gym when I'd like to. So I guess I'll hit it hard this winter.
I'm excited this time around. I've always started out with success, but this is the first time that it seems easy. It helps that I told Jason going into it that he has to eat whatever I make and if he doesn't like it, he's on his own. And you know what, last night I thought for sure he wouldn't eat what I made... it had 1/2 a large red onion, a yellow pepper, red pepper, prosciutto, hot italian turkey sausage, broccoli, garlic and just the tiniest amount of olive oil... and you know what? He ate it and even said that it was pretty good. I was so proud of him. He even had seconds. I said "see healthy food can taste good".
So it has me wondering, how much could I lose if I actually began to use the gym membership that I pay for? It will get more use once fall and winter comes, but with Jason's rigorous softball schedule and him working out, it doesn't leave much room for me to go to the gym when I'd like to. So I guess I'll hit it hard this winter.
I'm excited this time around. I've always started out with success, but this is the first time that it seems easy. It helps that I told Jason going into it that he has to eat whatever I make and if he doesn't like it, he's on his own. And you know what, last night I thought for sure he wouldn't eat what I made... it had 1/2 a large red onion, a yellow pepper, red pepper, prosciutto, hot italian turkey sausage, broccoli, garlic and just the tiniest amount of olive oil... and you know what? He ate it and even said that it was pretty good. I was so proud of him. He even had seconds. I said "see healthy food can taste good".
Friday, August 1, 2008
And it Begins
My weigh in day every week is Friday... and guess what? I lost 6 lbs!!! I know this is usual for Weight Watchers since this is now my 4th go round with it. I always lose big the first week, then about 3-4 lbs the next few weeks and then it goes to plateaus and valleys. So I'm excited. Strangely enough, it seems really easy this time around. I don't overthink it, I just do it. I have my calculator with at the grocery store and I have felt really good about this week.
I haven't even felt that hungry. I get to eat plenty and having the online access has helped me find different recipes that fit within my points and are still delicious.
Great first week... one day at a time!
I haven't even felt that hungry. I get to eat plenty and having the online access has helped me find different recipes that fit within my points and are still delicious.
Great first week... one day at a time!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
One Day at a Time
Day One... Successful. It actually was easier then I thought. By the time I was done with dinner I still had 9 points left in the day... that's a lot of points for only a few hours of being awake. The only hick up I had was that I was hungry mid-morning, but as I found out, I could have used a few more points in the morning. So today, I'm putting all my meals in my tracker right away in the morning so I know exactly how many points I have for snacking throughout the day. So I'm taking it one day at a time and it'll get easier as my body adjusts.
Now if only I could get my body to adjust to lack of sleep. Sami has 3 of her eye teeth coming in and she's just not the same kid. She's whiny and tired and won't go to sleep, so I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night, which I usually get 7-8 so I'm running a little slow this morning and not being able to go get a Caribou Coffee this morning was difficult for me, but I have my Diet Cherry Pepsi and I'll be just fine.
Now if only I could get my body to adjust to lack of sleep. Sami has 3 of her eye teeth coming in and she's just not the same kid. She's whiny and tired and won't go to sleep, so I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night, which I usually get 7-8 so I'm running a little slow this morning and not being able to go get a Caribou Coffee this morning was difficult for me, but I have my Diet Cherry Pepsi and I'll be just fine.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Today is the First Day
I will no longer be a slave to food. I will no longer think about food as soon as I'm done with a meal, I will however think about how I can make my meals healthier. I will plan ahead as best I can. I will not be on a diet. I will make better food choices one meal at a time. I will do this so my family and I can become healthier. I will do this to keep a promise to my daughter. I will do this so I will be here for my daughter.
This is the day. I even made a deal with Jason, yet he hasn't quite agreed to it yet, but I said if I loss and keep off 50 lbs by next summer, I get to buy a bike with the little cart that goes behind it for Sami. That way Nancy and I can go biking together next summer and I think Sami would love it. So today is the first day of the rest of my life.
This is the day. I even made a deal with Jason, yet he hasn't quite agreed to it yet, but I said if I loss and keep off 50 lbs by next summer, I get to buy a bike with the little cart that goes behind it for Sami. That way Nancy and I can go biking together next summer and I think Sami would love it. So today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Where did my baby go?
Okay so I know I haven't been good about updating this... okay maybe that's even wrong... I've been horrible. But it's summer and we're busy and work seems to be crazy right now and when I did have time, I didn't feel like I had anything to share with anyone... or anything anyone would want to waste their time to read. So to get back into the swing of things, I guess I'll just give you an update of what's going on.
Jason
Still working at Ford.
Playing softball as much as possible.
That was easy enough.
Sami
Where do I start with her? She's 16 months old today and she's absolutely AMAZING!!! I just adore her more then anything in the world. It's strange really, like last night... she woke up at 12:00am and didn't want to go back to sleep, I fought with her for 30 minutes before giving in. You see this is the hardest part of the day for me, wake me up at 4:00am and I'm fine, but late night, I'm not good with that. So I said fine, you can get out of bed, but we're not playing. So I went into the living room and laid on the couch and told her to do whatever she wanted/needed. So what does she do? She cries because she wants me to hold her. So she climbs up on the couch and lays next to me, but she doesn't just lay still, she's all over the place on my face, on my stomach, on her side, with her butt in the air, etc. It's like she just couldn't get comfortable. But as I lay there utterly exhausted, I started to ask myself how I could get so upset with her and then I started to cry. I was mad at myself for being short with her, she doesn't know any better and all she wanted was her mommy. As I lay there crying she stopped and looked right into my eyes then leaned in really close and hugged me. She's amazing. She brings more happiness into my life then anything I have ever known and that's priceless.
For her age, she's doing fabulous. Her vocabulary is growing daily and she LOVES to talk. She dances and bounces her head to music and it's so fun to watch. She has 12 teeth in with an eye tooth coming in as I speak... could have something to do with her being awake last night. And the most amazing of it all, she's sleeping in a big girl bed. We started her on Saturday night and she's been doing a great job, until last night. She sleeps an average of 12 hours a night and eats pretty well for being a toddler. The only thing not amazing about her, she hasn't done so well at the 2 weddings we've taken her to this summer. She won't eat and gets clingy and even threw up at the last one. Maybe she's overwhelmed by all the people or maybe it was just coincidence, but it's not fun either way. She is a handful, but she's so worth it.
Me
Well I'm doing alright, except that I'm getting fatter every day. I just haven't been motivated to get going until today. I went online today and signed up for Weight Watchers online. I wasn't planning on starting until Monday, but they have a 1 week free trial, so I figured why not get on and get prepared to fully dive in on Monday. It's time to do something... I made a promise to Sami when I was pregnant with her that she wouldn't have a fat mom and even though she'd never hold me to it, I'm going to hold myself to it. Plus, it's getting exhausting trying to keep up with her and I turn 30 at the end of this year.
Other then getting fat, the summer has been super busy, just like it is every year. We have something going on pretty much every weekend until September so there's not a lot of time to just relax. With softball, weddings, family get togethers, bonfires with friends we see once a summer, home improvements and just trying to keep our house in some sort of organization, fall can't come soon enough. Our big excitement for summer is at the end of August, Sami and I are going to a cabin with my family for a week... I CAN'T WAIT!!! I'm excited to just get away, not have to work for a week and spend a bunch of fun time with Sami and my family. We used to go to a cabin every summer when I was a kid and I've sort of missed it so it's something to look forward to.
That's about it I guess. I'm sure there's more, but I don't want to bore you with all the details of my life so I'll leave you with that and am sure I'll be on here more to help me through my weight loss journey.
Jason
Still working at Ford.
Playing softball as much as possible.
That was easy enough.
Sami
Where do I start with her? She's 16 months old today and she's absolutely AMAZING!!! I just adore her more then anything in the world. It's strange really, like last night... she woke up at 12:00am and didn't want to go back to sleep, I fought with her for 30 minutes before giving in. You see this is the hardest part of the day for me, wake me up at 4:00am and I'm fine, but late night, I'm not good with that. So I said fine, you can get out of bed, but we're not playing. So I went into the living room and laid on the couch and told her to do whatever she wanted/needed. So what does she do? She cries because she wants me to hold her. So she climbs up on the couch and lays next to me, but she doesn't just lay still, she's all over the place on my face, on my stomach, on her side, with her butt in the air, etc. It's like she just couldn't get comfortable. But as I lay there utterly exhausted, I started to ask myself how I could get so upset with her and then I started to cry. I was mad at myself for being short with her, she doesn't know any better and all she wanted was her mommy. As I lay there crying she stopped and looked right into my eyes then leaned in really close and hugged me. She's amazing. She brings more happiness into my life then anything I have ever known and that's priceless.
For her age, she's doing fabulous. Her vocabulary is growing daily and she LOVES to talk. She dances and bounces her head to music and it's so fun to watch. She has 12 teeth in with an eye tooth coming in as I speak... could have something to do with her being awake last night. And the most amazing of it all, she's sleeping in a big girl bed. We started her on Saturday night and she's been doing a great job, until last night. She sleeps an average of 12 hours a night and eats pretty well for being a toddler. The only thing not amazing about her, she hasn't done so well at the 2 weddings we've taken her to this summer. She won't eat and gets clingy and even threw up at the last one. Maybe she's overwhelmed by all the people or maybe it was just coincidence, but it's not fun either way. She is a handful, but she's so worth it.
Me
Well I'm doing alright, except that I'm getting fatter every day. I just haven't been motivated to get going until today. I went online today and signed up for Weight Watchers online. I wasn't planning on starting until Monday, but they have a 1 week free trial, so I figured why not get on and get prepared to fully dive in on Monday. It's time to do something... I made a promise to Sami when I was pregnant with her that she wouldn't have a fat mom and even though she'd never hold me to it, I'm going to hold myself to it. Plus, it's getting exhausting trying to keep up with her and I turn 30 at the end of this year.
Other then getting fat, the summer has been super busy, just like it is every year. We have something going on pretty much every weekend until September so there's not a lot of time to just relax. With softball, weddings, family get togethers, bonfires with friends we see once a summer, home improvements and just trying to keep our house in some sort of organization, fall can't come soon enough. Our big excitement for summer is at the end of August, Sami and I are going to a cabin with my family for a week... I CAN'T WAIT!!! I'm excited to just get away, not have to work for a week and spend a bunch of fun time with Sami and my family. We used to go to a cabin every summer when I was a kid and I've sort of missed it so it's something to look forward to.
That's about it I guess. I'm sure there's more, but I don't want to bore you with all the details of my life so I'll leave you with that and am sure I'll be on here more to help me through my weight loss journey.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
To be or not to be
It's so hard to believe that my baby is almost 15 months old... where did the time go? It's so funny how all the things people tell you when you're pregnant are acutally true. A few that I have learned is...
1. Sleep when the baby sleeps - I thought I would do fine just following my old schedule and quickly learned this is a great one to follow
2. Time flys, so take lots of pictures because before you know she'll be grown - SO TRUE!!! It feels like I just started back at work from maternity leave, yet I have a kid that's walking, understanding everything you tell her and talking back
3. Kids love schedules - I followed this one pretty well from the beginning and it has paid off huge... Sami sleeps an average of 12 hours a night and naps 2-4 hours a day
4. You can't spoil a baby, but you can spoil a toddler - I have my moments of weakness and I can already see where I need to tighten the reigns
5. Be consistent - Sami already tests me so much and I'm learning everyday how important consistency is
6. Make time for your spouse - Jason and I have done a horrible job of this, but I just feel so bad asking people to watch Sami especially since she goes to bed so early, I don't want to inconvenience people to have to come over to my house and just sit there while she sleeps
7. If you waited until you could afford a kid, you'd never have one, you just find a way - absolutely true
All things that are so true and so important and definitely a "to do" list for any parents out there... I'm doing my best and that's all you can ask for at the end of the day.
So with all of that said... Jason and I had always planned to have 2 kids and we wanted them to be 2-3 years apart in age. Well that timeframe is fast approaching. But there's so many things to factor in whether to start or not... I mean it could happen at any time since I haven't been on birth control since January, but I'd like to think we're old pros at this so we know when to prevent and when not to if you know what I mean... and if it happens in the mean time, then that's God's plan for us. But if he's leaving it in our hands, then I'm having a difficult time with it.
On the economical side of things there's the following to consider: the difficult economy (housing crisis, rising gas and food prices, weakening dollar, downward spiraling stock market and so forth), Jason's future with Ford or another company, the cost of having 2 kids in daycare and everyday living expenses for a family of 4. All are definitely things to consider, but that brings you back to point #7 above. But if I felt like some of those things were in my control, I feel so much better about just letting go and letting God, but so many of them are out of our control. I have to drive to work everyday and we're not in a position to sell either of our vehicles at this point to get something more fuel efficient or cheaper. I would love to sell our house and get a smaller mortgage payment, but with our neighbors desperate offer on their house, it gives us no chance to come out ahead and get a fair price. We have to buy food and we're doing our best to eat out less and only buy generic brands. Ford may stay open longer, but there's no guarantee at this point so we still plan our futures with Sept 2009 as his end date. I can tell you this... if we were told tomorrow that Ford will be here for another 2-3 years, I'd get pregnant in a heartbeat because that is my biggest concern... where will Jason be after that? How much will he be making?
And then on the emotional side of it all is the biggest question in my heart: Can I possibly love another child as much as I love Sami? And will I feel guilty for taking a piece of my heart away and giving it to another child? I know the logical answers to those questions because if it wasn't possible, people would never have more then 2 children and I was a 3rd child and never felt like I was missing out on any part of my mother's love. But when I'm sitting there alone with Sami and she's sitting quietly on my lap, I can't help but think about if there was a baby there and how I may not be able to do that because "I'm busy with the baby right now". It's not like she does that a lot so when she has those sweet cuddly moments on a whim, I don't want to miss out on them because I was too busy to pay attention. I'm getting choked up right now just thinking about it. And I already have a hard time making time for Jason, much less adding another child into the mix. But I definitely don't want Sami to be an only child and I can't wait to be pregnant again.
And finally the physical side. The hardest of them all for me. My constant battle with trying to lose weight. When I got pregnant with Sami I was going to Weight Watchers and had lost 30 lbs which put me in a much better place while carrying the baby weight. So now I'm back at my pre-Weight Watchers weight and I hate it. I don't understand how at this weight I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight, yet when I'm 30lbs lighter and eat this way, I gain weight... how does that make sense. I hate the weight I'm at, but have absolutely no self-control. I do well at the gym for short periods, but have such a hard time sticking with it when I have a hard time fitting it in now and then not seeing results because I'm not being consistent. But my biggest problem is food. I know what I should eat, I look at it and think about it, but then when faced with the actual decision, I make the wrong one EVERY TIME!!! It's my demon. So I've looked at the Lap Band and thought about it and want to talk to a doctor about it, but then they'll probably want me to wait until after I have my next baby, but at the same time am really nervous about getting pregnant at this weight as I should be. I'm just so mad at myself for not making better chioces after I stopped breastfeeding... I had lost all my baby weight and was feeling great and I threw it all away. UGH... I HATE THE CONTROL FOOD HAS OVER ME!!! But I don't know how to stop it. I can't afford Weight Watchers and even if I could, I don't know if it would make a difference this time... I'm on a downward spiral, out of control and I feel like there's nothing I can do to stop it right now.
1. Sleep when the baby sleeps - I thought I would do fine just following my old schedule and quickly learned this is a great one to follow
2. Time flys, so take lots of pictures because before you know she'll be grown - SO TRUE!!! It feels like I just started back at work from maternity leave, yet I have a kid that's walking, understanding everything you tell her and talking back
3. Kids love schedules - I followed this one pretty well from the beginning and it has paid off huge... Sami sleeps an average of 12 hours a night and naps 2-4 hours a day
4. You can't spoil a baby, but you can spoil a toddler - I have my moments of weakness and I can already see where I need to tighten the reigns
5. Be consistent - Sami already tests me so much and I'm learning everyday how important consistency is
6. Make time for your spouse - Jason and I have done a horrible job of this, but I just feel so bad asking people to watch Sami especially since she goes to bed so early, I don't want to inconvenience people to have to come over to my house and just sit there while she sleeps
7. If you waited until you could afford a kid, you'd never have one, you just find a way - absolutely true
All things that are so true and so important and definitely a "to do" list for any parents out there... I'm doing my best and that's all you can ask for at the end of the day.
So with all of that said... Jason and I had always planned to have 2 kids and we wanted them to be 2-3 years apart in age. Well that timeframe is fast approaching. But there's so many things to factor in whether to start or not... I mean it could happen at any time since I haven't been on birth control since January, but I'd like to think we're old pros at this so we know when to prevent and when not to if you know what I mean... and if it happens in the mean time, then that's God's plan for us. But if he's leaving it in our hands, then I'm having a difficult time with it.
On the economical side of things there's the following to consider: the difficult economy (housing crisis, rising gas and food prices, weakening dollar, downward spiraling stock market and so forth), Jason's future with Ford or another company, the cost of having 2 kids in daycare and everyday living expenses for a family of 4. All are definitely things to consider, but that brings you back to point #7 above. But if I felt like some of those things were in my control, I feel so much better about just letting go and letting God, but so many of them are out of our control. I have to drive to work everyday and we're not in a position to sell either of our vehicles at this point to get something more fuel efficient or cheaper. I would love to sell our house and get a smaller mortgage payment, but with our neighbors desperate offer on their house, it gives us no chance to come out ahead and get a fair price. We have to buy food and we're doing our best to eat out less and only buy generic brands. Ford may stay open longer, but there's no guarantee at this point so we still plan our futures with Sept 2009 as his end date. I can tell you this... if we were told tomorrow that Ford will be here for another 2-3 years, I'd get pregnant in a heartbeat because that is my biggest concern... where will Jason be after that? How much will he be making?
And then on the emotional side of it all is the biggest question in my heart: Can I possibly love another child as much as I love Sami? And will I feel guilty for taking a piece of my heart away and giving it to another child? I know the logical answers to those questions because if it wasn't possible, people would never have more then 2 children and I was a 3rd child and never felt like I was missing out on any part of my mother's love. But when I'm sitting there alone with Sami and she's sitting quietly on my lap, I can't help but think about if there was a baby there and how I may not be able to do that because "I'm busy with the baby right now". It's not like she does that a lot so when she has those sweet cuddly moments on a whim, I don't want to miss out on them because I was too busy to pay attention. I'm getting choked up right now just thinking about it. And I already have a hard time making time for Jason, much less adding another child into the mix. But I definitely don't want Sami to be an only child and I can't wait to be pregnant again.
And finally the physical side. The hardest of them all for me. My constant battle with trying to lose weight. When I got pregnant with Sami I was going to Weight Watchers and had lost 30 lbs which put me in a much better place while carrying the baby weight. So now I'm back at my pre-Weight Watchers weight and I hate it. I don't understand how at this weight I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight, yet when I'm 30lbs lighter and eat this way, I gain weight... how does that make sense. I hate the weight I'm at, but have absolutely no self-control. I do well at the gym for short periods, but have such a hard time sticking with it when I have a hard time fitting it in now and then not seeing results because I'm not being consistent. But my biggest problem is food. I know what I should eat, I look at it and think about it, but then when faced with the actual decision, I make the wrong one EVERY TIME!!! It's my demon. So I've looked at the Lap Band and thought about it and want to talk to a doctor about it, but then they'll probably want me to wait until after I have my next baby, but at the same time am really nervous about getting pregnant at this weight as I should be. I'm just so mad at myself for not making better chioces after I stopped breastfeeding... I had lost all my baby weight and was feeling great and I threw it all away. UGH... I HATE THE CONTROL FOOD HAS OVER ME!!! But I don't know how to stop it. I can't afford Weight Watchers and even if I could, I don't know if it would make a difference this time... I'm on a downward spiral, out of control and I feel like there's nothing I can do to stop it right now.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Summertime Grind
Why is it that life gets so darn busy in the summer? I guess I know the answer to that, we get outside more and then there's the lawn and softball and weddings... it's just the life that comes along with living in Minnesota, cramming all the fun stuff into 4 months of nice weather.
I really do love living in Minnesota and being close to family, but sometimes I think it would be so great to live in a place like Florida or California and have decent weather year round... but this is what I signed up for when deciding to stay here my whole life. Really it's my family's fault. I just can't imagine living more then 30 minutes away from them, especially now that I have Sami. Her relationship with her cousin Carter just amazes me. I can't help but smile when I see them together and think to myself, 'that must have been what it was like with Brian and I'. We've always had a close relationship and I've always looked up to him and even when he'd beat me up, I'd forgive him in a heartbeat and still admire him. I feel so lucky to have such a great relationship with someone who I have truly known my whole life and I'm so grateful that Sami may someday be lucky enough to have the same thing. Now if my mom and brothers would move, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I don't see that happening... sorry Jason.
Last weekend was so great. Softball wasn't so good, but the weather was nice enough during the day that we had most of the team at our house and we just sat outside, relaxing, drinking some beers, barbecuing and playing some Polish horseshoes. It turned out to be just perfect. It was fun having the Wests at our house for the weekend since we always have a good time together and it's great seeing Cyrus and Sami together... I can't wait until the day when he's big enough that they can actually run around together, I think we'll all be in trouble then.
This coming weekend I was supposed to go to Fargo, ND for my sister-in-law, DeeAnn's bachelorette party, but with the cost of gas and the expenses that come along with a bach party, I just can't swing it right now, especially since Jason will be going up for his soon-to-be brother-in-laws bachelor party in a couple weeks. He's really looking forward to it so we decided he would go and I'd stay to save some money... then 2 weeks after that we'll be heading up to Wahpeton, ND for the wedding. I can't wait for that. I just love DeeAnn and am so happy that she found such a wonderful guy to spend her life with. Luke is just wonderful, he's patient with kids and funny and stable and DeeAnn's so lucky to have found that in her life. So now I get to stay home and hang out with Sami... Jason has a buddy coming over to help him put up the shed we just bought which is sort of exciting, hopefully the weather will participate long enough to get it all done.
I really do love living in Minnesota and being close to family, but sometimes I think it would be so great to live in a place like Florida or California and have decent weather year round... but this is what I signed up for when deciding to stay here my whole life. Really it's my family's fault. I just can't imagine living more then 30 minutes away from them, especially now that I have Sami. Her relationship with her cousin Carter just amazes me. I can't help but smile when I see them together and think to myself, 'that must have been what it was like with Brian and I'. We've always had a close relationship and I've always looked up to him and even when he'd beat me up, I'd forgive him in a heartbeat and still admire him. I feel so lucky to have such a great relationship with someone who I have truly known my whole life and I'm so grateful that Sami may someday be lucky enough to have the same thing. Now if my mom and brothers would move, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I don't see that happening... sorry Jason.
Last weekend was so great. Softball wasn't so good, but the weather was nice enough during the day that we had most of the team at our house and we just sat outside, relaxing, drinking some beers, barbecuing and playing some Polish horseshoes. It turned out to be just perfect. It was fun having the Wests at our house for the weekend since we always have a good time together and it's great seeing Cyrus and Sami together... I can't wait until the day when he's big enough that they can actually run around together, I think we'll all be in trouble then.
This coming weekend I was supposed to go to Fargo, ND for my sister-in-law, DeeAnn's bachelorette party, but with the cost of gas and the expenses that come along with a bach party, I just can't swing it right now, especially since Jason will be going up for his soon-to-be brother-in-laws bachelor party in a couple weeks. He's really looking forward to it so we decided he would go and I'd stay to save some money... then 2 weeks after that we'll be heading up to Wahpeton, ND for the wedding. I can't wait for that. I just love DeeAnn and am so happy that she found such a wonderful guy to spend her life with. Luke is just wonderful, he's patient with kids and funny and stable and DeeAnn's so lucky to have found that in her life. So now I get to stay home and hang out with Sami... Jason has a buddy coming over to help him put up the shed we just bought which is sort of exciting, hopefully the weather will participate long enough to get it all done.
Friday, May 30, 2008
My Boring Life
So it's obviously been awhile since I updated this, but I sit here and think... Gee... I have been so super busy, yet I have nothing to write about... it's all so boring.
Memorial weekend was great because we didn't really have anything planned, which is always the best. I brought Sami to church with me on Sunday for the first time in a long time. I hate it because she naps at about 9:00am every weekend so she's asleep when I go to church, but his past weekend her schedule was all out of whack, which was great for me. So I brought her with and the cinema cafe was closed so I was forced to put her in care center... I was a little worried at first, but she went in just fine. I was so proud of her, she didn't even know I was gone... I think it helped that I knew one of the people working in the room so it put me at ease. The message was a great one about politics. I have a hard time actually doing everything John said, but I do what I can and ask God to help with the rest. The message was essentially about how the leaders that are in place have been put there by God through us. Therefore, we have to trust that they are there for a reason and know what they're doing because it was God's decision and would you ever tell God he was wrong? I wouldn't... I may not always agree with him or like it, but I'd never tell him he was wrong. So I will work on trusting that God knows politics because personally I think there may have been a misunderstanding for the past 8 years, but that's just my belief.
On Monday, we went to the races for the first time this year. The weather was great, but it didn't matter much since I had reserved a table inside. I was worried about having Sami there and her getting bored and rambunctious, but she did great. It helped that we were at the end of an aisle so we had a little extra room for her to move around. Then Jason and I would take her away from the table for a greak to go outside or run around for a little bit. We still left early, but we were ready to go anyway, so it worked out great. Sami even got to pet a horse and she was so excited about it. I was holding her and she had the biggest smile on her face looking at Jason and I like "are you seeing this... how cool is this". It was a really great weekend.
This week has gome by so fast. Unfortunately with the weather yo-yoing so much, Jason and Sami both have colds, but we're fighting through it. Jason has a big softball tournament in town this weekend so our friends Mac and Angie, their son (Sami's future husband) Cyrus and their dog Beez are all spending the weekend with us. We love it when they come over and before we all had kids they would stay over a lot so it's great to get to do it now and then. They are such great friends and we enjoy their company so much so we're all really looking forward to this weekend. Let's just hope the weather cooperates.
Memorial weekend was great because we didn't really have anything planned, which is always the best. I brought Sami to church with me on Sunday for the first time in a long time. I hate it because she naps at about 9:00am every weekend so she's asleep when I go to church, but his past weekend her schedule was all out of whack, which was great for me. So I brought her with and the cinema cafe was closed so I was forced to put her in care center... I was a little worried at first, but she went in just fine. I was so proud of her, she didn't even know I was gone... I think it helped that I knew one of the people working in the room so it put me at ease. The message was a great one about politics. I have a hard time actually doing everything John said, but I do what I can and ask God to help with the rest. The message was essentially about how the leaders that are in place have been put there by God through us. Therefore, we have to trust that they are there for a reason and know what they're doing because it was God's decision and would you ever tell God he was wrong? I wouldn't... I may not always agree with him or like it, but I'd never tell him he was wrong. So I will work on trusting that God knows politics because personally I think there may have been a misunderstanding for the past 8 years, but that's just my belief.
On Monday, we went to the races for the first time this year. The weather was great, but it didn't matter much since I had reserved a table inside. I was worried about having Sami there and her getting bored and rambunctious, but she did great. It helped that we were at the end of an aisle so we had a little extra room for her to move around. Then Jason and I would take her away from the table for a greak to go outside or run around for a little bit. We still left early, but we were ready to go anyway, so it worked out great. Sami even got to pet a horse and she was so excited about it. I was holding her and she had the biggest smile on her face looking at Jason and I like "are you seeing this... how cool is this". It was a really great weekend.
This week has gome by so fast. Unfortunately with the weather yo-yoing so much, Jason and Sami both have colds, but we're fighting through it. Jason has a big softball tournament in town this weekend so our friends Mac and Angie, their son (Sami's future husband) Cyrus and their dog Beez are all spending the weekend with us. We love it when they come over and before we all had kids they would stay over a lot so it's great to get to do it now and then. They are such great friends and we enjoy their company so much so we're all really looking forward to this weekend. Let's just hope the weather cooperates.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sick - Jessie you may not want to read this
This post may not be for the weak stomached... but Sami was sick last Thursday throwing up and now last night I started. What adult throws up from being sick??? I honestly can not tell you the last time I threw up from being sick. Now there's been the drinking too much throw up and then when I was giving birth to Sami I threw up twice... but other then that... I couldn't even take a guess.
And once you become a mom and get sick... that's the worst. You can take a day off from work when you don't feel good, but you can't take a day from being a mom. Luckily Sami is old enough that she can entertain herself with toys for short periods and she is a pretty easy kid, but what if she wasn't... ugh, that would suck. So I took the day off to relax and heal at home by myself. It just really sucks because I have been out sick a total of 4 days in the past 3 weeks... 3 days for me and 1 for Sami and I just hate being sick and I especially hate letting my co-workers down, but at the same time... they would hate it more if they got what I have. I have one co-worker who's getting married this Saturday and I'd really hate to get him sick and a bunch of us are going to the wedding, so how awful if I got them sick too. So I'll just take my day off and lay around and do nothing... isn't that what a good day off is about... if only my somach wasn't churning like butter.
And once you become a mom and get sick... that's the worst. You can take a day off from work when you don't feel good, but you can't take a day from being a mom. Luckily Sami is old enough that she can entertain herself with toys for short periods and she is a pretty easy kid, but what if she wasn't... ugh, that would suck. So I took the day off to relax and heal at home by myself. It just really sucks because I have been out sick a total of 4 days in the past 3 weeks... 3 days for me and 1 for Sami and I just hate being sick and I especially hate letting my co-workers down, but at the same time... they would hate it more if they got what I have. I have one co-worker who's getting married this Saturday and I'd really hate to get him sick and a bunch of us are going to the wedding, so how awful if I got them sick too. So I'll just take my day off and lay around and do nothing... isn't that what a good day off is about... if only my somach wasn't churning like butter.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Mother's are Always Right
So I figure since Mother's day is just around the corner, this would be an appropriate topic. You see I never fully believed this until a couple years ago. I was going through a difficult personal situation and that's when I fully bought into it and said, that's it, I may never make another decision in my life without asking my mom first. Well okay, I haven't gone that far, but I do trust now that my mother is never wrong. And being a mother myself, I fully understand it.
If you had to pick one motto for my mom, it would be "Let go and let God". 5 words to live by. I believe in it, but yet why is it so hard to do. I'm very pig-headed and if something isn't done my way or if I don't like the way things are going, I get so upset about get so cold to others. But if I could just let go, then my relationships would be better... primarily with my husband. Now I know I'm always right, but he's so pig-headed, he'll never agree with me. So rather then get upset with him, I just need to let go and let God. I know he'll never agree, so why get upset about it and is it really worth getting upset about in the first place? Well sometimes yes, but most of the time... no it's not. So I am going to make a conscious effort to practice that whenever something is upsetting me. Now if only my daughter could understand it... she has 2 strikes against her with both Jason and I being so pig-headed and we already see it in her. If you tell her no, that's it, temper tantrum. And if she's trying to do something and can't get it right, temper tantrum... the force is strong in that one and we're trying to break her like a wild pony, but it's not easy.
On a side note, today I was ordering Mother's Day gifts for my mother and Jason's mother, so I asked the guys in my office if they've bought gifts yet for their mother's. They were all like "oh that's this weekend isn't it". So I made a few suggestions and a couple of them were like, "$80 is a little spendy when I can get a card at Target for $2.99"... which I replied "$80 is nothing for the woman who gave you life." Which of course they replied "now you sound like her too". I guess after creating and carrying my daughter inside me for 10 months and giving birth to her, I have a whole new appreciation for this one day a year that is meant solely for mother's. And it's sole purpose is letting them know how much you appreciate the sacrifice and love they've given you your whole life... so $80 seems like a small price to pay for the years of blood, sweat and tears that your mother has put into raising you to be a well-rounded, loving, caring and successful individual in society. But then again, if you have a mom who didn't give a crap if you grew up to be a pimple on the butt cheek of society, then go ahead and by her a $2.99 card at Target.
PS... I love you mom... thanks for making sure I wasn't a pimple ;o)
If you had to pick one motto for my mom, it would be "Let go and let God". 5 words to live by. I believe in it, but yet why is it so hard to do. I'm very pig-headed and if something isn't done my way or if I don't like the way things are going, I get so upset about get so cold to others. But if I could just let go, then my relationships would be better... primarily with my husband. Now I know I'm always right, but he's so pig-headed, he'll never agree with me. So rather then get upset with him, I just need to let go and let God. I know he'll never agree, so why get upset about it and is it really worth getting upset about in the first place? Well sometimes yes, but most of the time... no it's not. So I am going to make a conscious effort to practice that whenever something is upsetting me. Now if only my daughter could understand it... she has 2 strikes against her with both Jason and I being so pig-headed and we already see it in her. If you tell her no, that's it, temper tantrum. And if she's trying to do something and can't get it right, temper tantrum... the force is strong in that one and we're trying to break her like a wild pony, but it's not easy.
On a side note, today I was ordering Mother's Day gifts for my mother and Jason's mother, so I asked the guys in my office if they've bought gifts yet for their mother's. They were all like "oh that's this weekend isn't it". So I made a few suggestions and a couple of them were like, "$80 is a little spendy when I can get a card at Target for $2.99"... which I replied "$80 is nothing for the woman who gave you life." Which of course they replied "now you sound like her too". I guess after creating and carrying my daughter inside me for 10 months and giving birth to her, I have a whole new appreciation for this one day a year that is meant solely for mother's. And it's sole purpose is letting them know how much you appreciate the sacrifice and love they've given you your whole life... so $80 seems like a small price to pay for the years of blood, sweat and tears that your mother has put into raising you to be a well-rounded, loving, caring and successful individual in society. But then again, if you have a mom who didn't give a crap if you grew up to be a pimple on the butt cheek of society, then go ahead and by her a $2.99 card at Target.
PS... I love you mom... thanks for making sure I wasn't a pimple ;o)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Work then Play
You're going to have to wait for the fun stuff until I take care of business. So I finally went to the doctor today and it tunrs out I have bronchitis. So now I'm on my inhaler regularly to help my lungs since I'm wheezing, then I'm on a pill for my cough and an antibiotic on top of that. And I was even lucky enough to get into the actual doctor so it only cost me $10... YA!!! But now Sami is coughing a little, so I've been giving her nebulizer to her twice a day now. So hopefully she's not getting real sick now. I just want us to all be healthy by Aric and Andrea's wedding next week... especially since I have to read in front of a church full of people, I can't be coughing and have a scratchy throat.
Now the fun stuff... So anyone that knows me knows how much I hate George Bush and am a democrat through and through. So I got this joke in my e-mail this morning and thought it was great so I just wanted to share it with you... ENJOY!
President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.
George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.'
Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.'
Cheney added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.'
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there. Shit I could throw all their asses out the window and make 56 million people very happy.'
Now the fun stuff... So anyone that knows me knows how much I hate George Bush and am a democrat through and through. So I got this joke in my e-mail this morning and thought it was great so I just wanted to share it with you... ENJOY!
President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.
George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.'
Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.'
Cheney added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.'
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there. Shit I could throw all their asses out the window and make 56 million people very happy.'
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sick
So I've been sick for a few days now and I'm tired of it. I think I may have bronchitis or pneumonia, but I don't want to go to the doctor just to have them tell me that it's just a cold, go home drink plenty of fluids and rest. I used to never think twice about going to the doctor until I started to actually pay attention to my insurance bills. I never worried about it in the past, but that's because I wasn't paying attention. I actually have 2 insurances, one with my company and one with Jason's and we pay for it and then pay a copay, but yet if I need to have a chest x-ray to check for pneumonia, it's going to cost me about an additional $100. How does that make sense? I always wondered what the health care crisis was in America and I never really believed it until recently. After talking to a friend that pays hundreds of dollars for Cobra each month and yet nothing is really covered. So why do we pay for insurance if in the end we just have to fight them to cover what they say they'll cover and then not cover what we really need.
So instead of seeking the help I need, I sit her coughing horribly, not being able to take a deep breath, having hot flashes and physically weak. This just isn't right. I love doctors... I hate insurance companies.
The last time I had pneumonia was over Thanksgiving... I was in the Emergency Room on a Monday in Shakopee... insurance billed me over $400 for this visit because they said it was a non-emergency. I've since fought that down to just a $100 co-pay since I went into the ER with shortness of breath and was diagnosed with pneumonia and possibly asthma. Mind you at this same time I had diarrhea like you wouldn't believe. So we headed to North Dakota anyway and on Thanksgiving day, I was taken to URGENT CARE in Grand Forks because I still had diarrhea and my body was so weak I could barely move. After some tests they found that my kidneys were malfunctioning because I was so dehydrated. So they put in the ER to have a couple IVs of fluid. And after 8 days of diarrhea and 2 visits to the ER/Urgent Care, no one could explain it to me. Love the medical world but love the insurance companies even more. I'm still fighting that insurance bill. Just one more question and I'll let it go... Why can't the insurance companies and the hospital billing department talk to each other?
Okay I'll let it go... I ranted and now I'm better. Well at least until I get my next insurance bill.
So instead of seeking the help I need, I sit her coughing horribly, not being able to take a deep breath, having hot flashes and physically weak. This just isn't right. I love doctors... I hate insurance companies.
The last time I had pneumonia was over Thanksgiving... I was in the Emergency Room on a Monday in Shakopee... insurance billed me over $400 for this visit because they said it was a non-emergency. I've since fought that down to just a $100 co-pay since I went into the ER with shortness of breath and was diagnosed with pneumonia and possibly asthma. Mind you at this same time I had diarrhea like you wouldn't believe. So we headed to North Dakota anyway and on Thanksgiving day, I was taken to URGENT CARE in Grand Forks because I still had diarrhea and my body was so weak I could barely move. After some tests they found that my kidneys were malfunctioning because I was so dehydrated. So they put in the ER to have a couple IVs of fluid. And after 8 days of diarrhea and 2 visits to the ER/Urgent Care, no one could explain it to me. Love the medical world but love the insurance companies even more. I'm still fighting that insurance bill. Just one more question and I'll let it go... Why can't the insurance companies and the hospital billing department talk to each other?
Okay I'll let it go... I ranted and now I'm better. Well at least until I get my next insurance bill.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Parenting
Who knew it was going to be this tough? I knew being a parent wasn't going to be the easiest thing in the world, but I do have to say up until recently it really has been. Sami is the easiest child and I love her death, but we're going through a rough time right now with her. It's really been since I got back from Chicago, so I feel like maybe it's my fault or maybe it's just teething... either way it took it's toll on me last night. Sami has been putting up a fight when we put her down to sleep lately and then she'll wake up screaming in the night. Then when I go to check on her, she's standing in her crib wide awake and if you get too close to her, she'll cling to your shirt and scream when you make her let go.
This brings us to last night. I knew my mom was right when she told me that I needed to just let her cry it out, but I never imagined it would be so hard. So Sami went down pretty easy last night, but then woke up at 11:00 screaming. So I did what mom said to, I went in her room, put her nuk in her mouth, laid her down and didn't say a word to her... problem was that I think it made it worse. I did this every 5 minutes for 15 minutes until she started to calm down more, so I just didn't go in, but then I was in tears during that time. I've never heard her so upset, even when a chair was on her toes earlier in the night she wasn't that upset. It broke my heart listening to her and made me feel like the worst mom in the world... it didn't help that Jason wasn't super supportive, he kept criticizing me for going in in the first place. But who would've thought that it actually worked. I heard her get up once again in the night, but she went right back to sleep... so night one - SUCCESS for Sami... not so much for mommy.
Now I can't wait until church next week... they're starting a 3 week series on parenting... couldn't have better timing. I just love MeadowSpring and enjoy being a part of such an amazing church that puts so much focus on the community. There's going to be some amazing things happening in Shakopee this summer and MeadowSpring will be the drive behind it and I'm proud to say that I'll be a part of it... it reminds of Oprah's Big Give for the town of Shakopee and I'm excited to see what happens. Shakopee has been my home for over 20 years of my life and I look forward to giving back to the community that's supported me through most of my life.
This brings us to last night. I knew my mom was right when she told me that I needed to just let her cry it out, but I never imagined it would be so hard. So Sami went down pretty easy last night, but then woke up at 11:00 screaming. So I did what mom said to, I went in her room, put her nuk in her mouth, laid her down and didn't say a word to her... problem was that I think it made it worse. I did this every 5 minutes for 15 minutes until she started to calm down more, so I just didn't go in, but then I was in tears during that time. I've never heard her so upset, even when a chair was on her toes earlier in the night she wasn't that upset. It broke my heart listening to her and made me feel like the worst mom in the world... it didn't help that Jason wasn't super supportive, he kept criticizing me for going in in the first place. But who would've thought that it actually worked. I heard her get up once again in the night, but she went right back to sleep... so night one - SUCCESS for Sami... not so much for mommy.
Now I can't wait until church next week... they're starting a 3 week series on parenting... couldn't have better timing. I just love MeadowSpring and enjoy being a part of such an amazing church that puts so much focus on the community. There's going to be some amazing things happening in Shakopee this summer and MeadowSpring will be the drive behind it and I'm proud to say that I'll be a part of it... it reminds of Oprah's Big Give for the town of Shakopee and I'm excited to see what happens. Shakopee has been my home for over 20 years of my life and I look forward to giving back to the community that's supported me through most of my life.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Who's Benefiting
So today is National Take Your Daughter to Work Day and it had me thinking... Who does this day really benefit? You see, when I was a kid, I always wanted to get out of school for a day to go with my mom, but she didn't have a job where I could. Then finally when she had a different job, I was in high school and had so much homework that I couldn't even enjoy a day off. I still remember thinking "How does my mom know how to do all this stuff and how does she know what it all means?" And now I know, it's just experience and we learn. After being at my job for 8 years now, I realize that when you do something enough, you get to a point when you don't even have to think about it anymore... you're just on auto-pilot.
So now I sit here listening to my co-worker explain to her 7-year old daughter how she's placing a $1000 credit on a customer's account and I have to ask myself again... who does this benefit? As exciting as we try to make our job, we still just sit at a desk all day, typing on the computer, talking on the phone and discussing cell phones. We may think it's more exciting then other jobs, put to a 7-year old, it's just as boring as being an accountant or studying dirt for a living. So in the end I've decided it's the parent... sure the child gets to see what we do, but maybe the mystery and their imagination of what we do is way cooler then the truth. But I got to show my daughter off for the day and hear everyone tell me how cute she is... so overall, I am the one with the ego boost and the benefit. So will I bring Sami next year... you bet your ass I will!!!
So now I sit here listening to my co-worker explain to her 7-year old daughter how she's placing a $1000 credit on a customer's account and I have to ask myself again... who does this benefit? As exciting as we try to make our job, we still just sit at a desk all day, typing on the computer, talking on the phone and discussing cell phones. We may think it's more exciting then other jobs, put to a 7-year old, it's just as boring as being an accountant or studying dirt for a living. So in the end I've decided it's the parent... sure the child gets to see what we do, but maybe the mystery and their imagination of what we do is way cooler then the truth. But I got to show my daughter off for the day and hear everyone tell me how cute she is... so overall, I am the one with the ego boost and the benefit. So will I bring Sami next year... you bet your ass I will!!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Chicago Funny
So I wanted to spare you all the details, but left out some funny stuff that happened while I was in Chicago. So after a night out drinking, we headed back to the hotel around 1:30am. Jessie was hungry so she ordered some room service. After finishing about half her burger and fires, we put the room service tray in the hallway so it didn't stink up the room. About 15 minutes later we hear some loud, drunk girls in the hallway laughing and falling into things. All of a sudden the noise was right outside our door... and then clitter and clattering followed by more loud, obnoxious laughter. When it clicked... they're eating Jessie's leftover food aren't they? Nancy looked out the peep hole and sure enough there they were burger and fries in hand rolling around the hallway. WHO DOES THAT??? Disgusting... after that someone must have asked them to quiet down, which if I had actually been sleeping I would have been pissed to awaken to them. And the girls didn't politely oblige, they got louder and started screaming profanitys at the person to shut up themselves and mind their own f*ck*ng business... now that's what I call class.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Just Windy
Wow I feel like I've been away for so long. So I went to Chicago last Wed for work. What a fiasco getting to the airport. How is that they can run out of parking? How does that happen? After talking to some co-workers it seems more common that I you would think. I don't know about you but if I were in charge of the airport I would maybe consider adding more parking... come on people. So they redirected me to park at the Humphrey terminal saying it's only 5 minutes away. But what they don't tell you is that you have to walk about a mile and sweat your ass off which adds about 20-30 minutes to your parking time. Not a good way to start my trip. Then my flight was delayed about an hour "due to wind in Chicago"... ummm aren't they known as "The Windy City"??? Shouldn't they be a little more used to wind? Anyway I did finally make it to my hotel after about an hour and half in the back of an airport shuttle that threw my neck out of line... it actually hurt until Friday morning.
So I'll spare you all the details of my trip, but I did survive the MidWest earthquake on Friday morning... it was the craziest thing. I woke up around 4:30 rocking back and forth in my bed. Since my flight was delayed due to wind, I just assumed it was really windy out... I was on the 24th floor so what else could it have been. I went back to sleep and thought nothing of it. That is until I turned the tv on in the morning and it was all over that there was an 5.2 earthquake in Southern Illinois... HOLY CRAP I thought... that wasn't wind, it was a frickin earthquake. How unreal?
So it was great to get away, but boy did I miss Sami. When I walked into my house on Sunday and Sami came running around the corner, all I could do was cry and pick her up and hold her and tell her how much I missed her and loved her. I just sat down and held her and looked at her. She is truly the most amazing little girl. Her smile makes my heart glow and I love her so much. I don't think I will ever take that much time away from her until she gets older.
So I'll spare you all the details of my trip, but I did survive the MidWest earthquake on Friday morning... it was the craziest thing. I woke up around 4:30 rocking back and forth in my bed. Since my flight was delayed due to wind, I just assumed it was really windy out... I was on the 24th floor so what else could it have been. I went back to sleep and thought nothing of it. That is until I turned the tv on in the morning and it was all over that there was an 5.2 earthquake in Southern Illinois... HOLY CRAP I thought... that wasn't wind, it was a frickin earthquake. How unreal?
So it was great to get away, but boy did I miss Sami. When I walked into my house on Sunday and Sami came running around the corner, all I could do was cry and pick her up and hold her and tell her how much I missed her and loved her. I just sat down and held her and looked at her. She is truly the most amazing little girl. Her smile makes my heart glow and I love her so much. I don't think I will ever take that much time away from her until she gets older.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Bittersweet
It's strange how once you become a parent, the things you used to look forward to change. Now I look forward to my daughter babbling in the morning so I can see her smiling face again. I look forward to her new words and watching her learn new things. And tomorrow, I leave to Chicago for 5 days and it's still exciting, but yet there's a piece of me that doesn't want to leave. To know I won't see my daughter for almost a week and how much my family has to take on since I'm the one who brings the kids to and from daycare everyday, it's a little worrisome leaving that up to everyone else.
You see, I'm also a little bit of a control freak. I live by the philosophy that if you want something done right, you just do it yourself. But I have to let that go this week... I know they're all capable of taking excellent care of Sami, but they're not her mommy and will they enjoy it like I do. You see, I also don't feel like taking care of Sami is a job, I enjoy every moment I have with her. Which brings me to my next issue... from the day she was born, I've wondering how it's possible to have another child. Will there be enough room in my heart for another one? Will I love another one as much as I love her? Will she lose something because she has to share Jason and I? All these things make me question having another. BUT, I also don't want her to be an only child. I loved having older brothers and the relationships that come along with that and do not want to deprive her of that relationship. So I know the answers to these questions, because if it weren't possible, I wouldn't be here because my mom would have stopped with my oldest brother. And millions of people would not have more then 1 child. So I will have another, but I still wonder if I'll be different.
So back to Chicago, I am looking forward to being mostly responsible free for 5 days. And I'm looking forward to not planning my days around Sami's schedule. And I'm also looking forward to spending some time with just the girls. BUT, it doesn't mean I'm not going to have a hard time being away from Sami... but that's where the alcohol will help :o) That's another thing, I haven't had a night out without having to worry about the morning in I can't remember how long. So it's bittersweet! I'm nervous that I'm going to forget something, so I guess I should probably get off the computer and get to it so I'm not rushed. Here's hoping I'm not sitting in a bar in Chicago on Friday night crying because I miss my baby.
You see, I'm also a little bit of a control freak. I live by the philosophy that if you want something done right, you just do it yourself. But I have to let that go this week... I know they're all capable of taking excellent care of Sami, but they're not her mommy and will they enjoy it like I do. You see, I also don't feel like taking care of Sami is a job, I enjoy every moment I have with her. Which brings me to my next issue... from the day she was born, I've wondering how it's possible to have another child. Will there be enough room in my heart for another one? Will I love another one as much as I love her? Will she lose something because she has to share Jason and I? All these things make me question having another. BUT, I also don't want her to be an only child. I loved having older brothers and the relationships that come along with that and do not want to deprive her of that relationship. So I know the answers to these questions, because if it weren't possible, I wouldn't be here because my mom would have stopped with my oldest brother. And millions of people would not have more then 1 child. So I will have another, but I still wonder if I'll be different.
So back to Chicago, I am looking forward to being mostly responsible free for 5 days. And I'm looking forward to not planning my days around Sami's schedule. And I'm also looking forward to spending some time with just the girls. BUT, it doesn't mean I'm not going to have a hard time being away from Sami... but that's where the alcohol will help :o) That's another thing, I haven't had a night out without having to worry about the morning in I can't remember how long. So it's bittersweet! I'm nervous that I'm going to forget something, so I guess I should probably get off the computer and get to it so I'm not rushed. Here's hoping I'm not sitting in a bar in Chicago on Friday night crying because I miss my baby.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Through the eyes of a child
Wouldn't it be great if we could remember what it was like to be a child? I just watch my daughter and wonder what she's thinking when she squeals with joy for no apparent reason. Or she giggles when no one else is nearby. Or she can just look at you grinning from ear to ear and you did nothing to enteratin her. Wouldn't it be wonderful to find such amazement in God's simplest gifts? The one thing I do find amazement in every single day is her... she's such a wonderful and amazing gift that God has given me. All she has to do is look at me and grin and I can't help by grin back. Or she just has to start babbling and I can't help but smile because whatever it is she's trying to say, it sounds so very sweet and interesting. I knew children were a gift, but I never knew until I had my own what a truly AMAZING and wonderful gift they were.
Thank you today God for putting this amazing and beautiful child in my life... I will forever be grateful!
Thank you today God for putting this amazing and beautiful child in my life... I will forever be grateful!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
God and Money
Week one of going to church... SUCCESSFUL... and what a great message to make it for... today Jon talked about money. A sore subject but yet one that needs to be addressed. Jason and I do make good money, but I know I overspend. He probably would be pretty good if it wasn't for me, except he does like new shiny things just as much as I do. So this was a great message for me to hear. You see everything we have and everything we've been given belongs 100% to God... he just loans it to us to "manage". That includes your house, cars, children, job, etc... EVERYTHING! So as long as you manage his things well, you will receive more. It's like this... if you invest money into stocks, typically a broker takes care of it for you. After one year if you go back to that broker and find out he hasn't done a thing with your money, or he's lost it all, you're not going to give him more to invest, you're going to find someone else to do it for you. That's how God looks at what he's given you, if you do nothing with it or you blow it all, why would he give you more. CLICK!!! That did it for me... what an amazing concept. I think it was in Mark 25:14-30 that Jon referenced, but I wrote it down and can't find it.
So beginning today, I am going to try to think about that when it comes to my life. We're not poor and most of the time we do not live paycheck to paycheck, but there's definitely room to improve how Jason and I manage our money and our lives. I've never been real good with a budget, but I will pray and ask God to help me with this. At this point I would be so grateful to get to the point where the only debt I carry is my house... where Jason and I are in our lives, I think that's a great goal and really we aren't all that far away. We need to give more and spend less... easy enough concept.
Another thing Jon brought up today is to spend time with God each and every day. I've done this before and it is truly amazing how your life can change and the peace that you can find everyday. So I am going to take my bible out and dust it off and get back into it. And something else that always worked for me is that everyday on my drive home from work, I would talk to God and pray. It's 15-20 minutes that I have nothing better going on so why not take that time and do something important and meaningful... so I am going to start doing that again. Watch out world... are you ready for a new me?
So beginning today, I am going to try to think about that when it comes to my life. We're not poor and most of the time we do not live paycheck to paycheck, but there's definitely room to improve how Jason and I manage our money and our lives. I've never been real good with a budget, but I will pray and ask God to help me with this. At this point I would be so grateful to get to the point where the only debt I carry is my house... where Jason and I are in our lives, I think that's a great goal and really we aren't all that far away. We need to give more and spend less... easy enough concept.
Another thing Jon brought up today is to spend time with God each and every day. I've done this before and it is truly amazing how your life can change and the peace that you can find everyday. So I am going to take my bible out and dust it off and get back into it. And something else that always worked for me is that everyday on my drive home from work, I would talk to God and pray. It's 15-20 minutes that I have nothing better going on so why not take that time and do something important and meaningful... so I am going to start doing that again. Watch out world... are you ready for a new me?
Friday, April 11, 2008
Selfishness
I will admit that at times I can be selfish, I think everyone can be and even at times needs to be. But when it comes to your child, I think that's one circumstance where selfishness is not allowed. Now don't get me wrong, you do need time away from your child and I don't consider that selfish as long as it's not hurting your relationship with your child. But when you put your own needs and wants above your child's safety and overall well-being that's completely selfish and just wrong.
Yesterday was a very emotionally taxing day. My brother is going through a divorce and has full physical custody of their 5-year old boy. My brother provides everything for my nephew and does an amazing job taking care of him. Yet his ex could care less about her son. To her he's just a pawn in a game. She doesn't realize or she doesn't care that the decisions she is making are not what's best for her son and that she's playing a game with people's lifes and that's not right or fair for any of them. I just feel so sad for my nephew that someday he will know what kind of person his mother was and the emotional roller coaster he is going to be on the rest of his life because of who she is. But all I can do is hug him and love him and try to make up for what his mother will not and can not provide because that's what he deserves. As my mom would tell me and I try to do... Let go and let God. There's nothing I can do to change the horrible monster that is my ex-sister-in-law. God is the only one with the power to do that. So I will let it go and let God take care of her.
Speaking of God... I've really been wanting to go to church every Sunday, but have had a difficult time making the commitment... not because I don't want to, but because I have so much other "stuff" going on. I need to schedule that time for God each week and do the best I can to keep that appointment, which anyone who knows me will tell you that I hate when things don't go according to plan, so here's my word and commitment to schedule time for God. I never felt as good in my life as when I was going to church every Sunday, attending Alpha once a week and praying daily... life was great and I felt the best I ever had. I want that again and I will make it happen.
Yesterday was a very emotionally taxing day. My brother is going through a divorce and has full physical custody of their 5-year old boy. My brother provides everything for my nephew and does an amazing job taking care of him. Yet his ex could care less about her son. To her he's just a pawn in a game. She doesn't realize or she doesn't care that the decisions she is making are not what's best for her son and that she's playing a game with people's lifes and that's not right or fair for any of them. I just feel so sad for my nephew that someday he will know what kind of person his mother was and the emotional roller coaster he is going to be on the rest of his life because of who she is. But all I can do is hug him and love him and try to make up for what his mother will not and can not provide because that's what he deserves. As my mom would tell me and I try to do... Let go and let God. There's nothing I can do to change the horrible monster that is my ex-sister-in-law. God is the only one with the power to do that. So I will let it go and let God take care of her.
Speaking of God... I've really been wanting to go to church every Sunday, but have had a difficult time making the commitment... not because I don't want to, but because I have so much other "stuff" going on. I need to schedule that time for God each week and do the best I can to keep that appointment, which anyone who knows me will tell you that I hate when things don't go according to plan, so here's my word and commitment to schedule time for God. I never felt as good in my life as when I was going to church every Sunday, attending Alpha once a week and praying daily... life was great and I felt the best I ever had. I want that again and I will make it happen.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Virgin
Well this would be the first time I've ever done this. I was inspired by reading my friend Linda's blog and it inspired me to give it a shot. I post stories on my daughter's site and I have the social sites MySpace and Facebook... but blogging, that's a first. I don't even know if anyone wants to hear what I have to say, but I figure it's a way for me to share my thoughts and if you don't want to read you don't have to.
I've been struggling with my weight my whole life and I've been successful in the past, but it's just harder this time. I can't get over my food addiction and I don't know why. I've been working out pretty regularly for the past month, but it's just not enough... I have to get my eating under control. It's not even like I over eat, I just eat the wrong things. UGH!!! I guess I'm looking for an easy way out and I know there isn't one. I know because I've been looking for it for the past 10 years.
This past weekend my brother's and I were giving my mom a hard time about who her favorite kid was and I was right... we're all her favorites for different reasons so I asked... "Mom what is it about me that makes me your favorite?" And she told me... "it's your smile... and besides those few days every month, you're such a happy person to be around". She also said "Sami is just like you, when she smiles it's contagious". It just really made me think... You know I think I'm a pretty likable person. I'm happy 95% of the time. I'm friendly and approachable. And for the most part I like myself, I just don't like the shell that's all kept in. Weight Watchers has always worked, but I just can't spend the money anymore... daycare and diapers really add up. I just need to make the commitment to myself to do something about it. Only I can change this problem, so I'm not hurting anyone but myself when I make these poor decisions.
I made a commitment to my daughter before she was born that she would not have a fat mom... now I need to stick with it, because I never want to disappoint my daughter or not deliver on a promise. It's in writing now so you can keep me in check.
I've been struggling with my weight my whole life and I've been successful in the past, but it's just harder this time. I can't get over my food addiction and I don't know why. I've been working out pretty regularly for the past month, but it's just not enough... I have to get my eating under control. It's not even like I over eat, I just eat the wrong things. UGH!!! I guess I'm looking for an easy way out and I know there isn't one. I know because I've been looking for it for the past 10 years.
This past weekend my brother's and I were giving my mom a hard time about who her favorite kid was and I was right... we're all her favorites for different reasons so I asked... "Mom what is it about me that makes me your favorite?" And she told me... "it's your smile... and besides those few days every month, you're such a happy person to be around". She also said "Sami is just like you, when she smiles it's contagious". It just really made me think... You know I think I'm a pretty likable person. I'm happy 95% of the time. I'm friendly and approachable. And for the most part I like myself, I just don't like the shell that's all kept in. Weight Watchers has always worked, but I just can't spend the money anymore... daycare and diapers really add up. I just need to make the commitment to myself to do something about it. Only I can change this problem, so I'm not hurting anyone but myself when I make these poor decisions.
I made a commitment to my daughter before she was born that she would not have a fat mom... now I need to stick with it, because I never want to disappoint my daughter or not deliver on a promise. It's in writing now so you can keep me in check.
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