Baby #2

It came as a shock on Friday night to find out that yes, I am pregnant again. Considering that Monday I went to the doctor to be put on birth control, this wasn't exactly the plan... but God had other plans. I'm finally getting over the shock today and am starting to feel a little bit of excitement and I'm sure that will build with time.

You know it's funny how when things happen in your life and then you go to church on Sunday and you hear exactly what you needed. Well that would have been me on Sunday. Obviously being shocked and surprised by the news of being pregnant, there were a lot of concerns that came rushing through my mind and then I went to church. The message was "Don't Worry". What a great concept. In the book of Matthew, it talks about how God says, if you seek me first, I will take care of you, just don't worry. Do you think the birds worry about finding food? No, because God will provide for them. And do you think the trees worry about growing big and strong, no because God will provide. Well aren't we humans more important then trees and birds? If God will provide for them, why would he not provide for us? So seek him first and he will provide. What a perfect message for me to hear. So I will not worry. I will let go and let God. And I will trust that as long as I put him first, he will take great care of me and my family.

My baby

So a little background information... when Sami was 1-month old, she was running a 103 temp which happened to be the day of her check-up. After some tests and an hour or so in the doc's office, she was admitted to the hospital and put on antibiotics for 3 days. During this time, we found out that she had vesicoureteral reflux in Lehman's terms it's urinary reflux. You can google it for more info, but the just of it is that when she pees, not all the urine exits the body, some of it goes back up the ureters and can cause UTIs and possibly kidney damage. So since she was a month old we've had to have her on a daily antibiotic and have regular ultrasounds on her kidneys and bladder as well as VCUGs (a test done by injecting a dye through a catheter and then Sami lays on a table and pees as an x-ray machine records where the urine is going)... not a fun procedure by any means.

Well on Monday we had Sami's check-up at Children's with her urologist to see how things are going since she was last tested in Dec. The good news is that her kidneys and bladder are in perfect form and the reflux on her right side was gone. The bad news is that the reflux on her left side is not any better then it was in Dec. After discussing our options with her doctor, he recommended having a procedure done that's called deflux. The recommendation is based on Sami not getting her antibiotic every day (which he agreed with me that based on studies done, there's not enough evidence to know if there's a long term affect from daily antibiotics or if they do much to prevent UTIs), how terrified and miserable she is getting the VCUG done and the fact that every time she starts to run a fever, in the back of our minds we always worry it's her reflux. So he told us to think about it and his office would give us a follow-up call to see what we've decided. Now we've seen this doctor 3 times since Sami was diagnosed and he is great with her and us and we trust him completely, so as soon as we got in the car I looked at Jason and asked what he wanted to do and right away he said "Let's do the procedure" which was exactly what I was thinking too.

So rather then wait for the doctor to call us, I called his office on Tuesday and Sami's procedure is scheduled for Wed, Nov 5th at Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. They're sending me more information, but I know we have to be there at 8am and her procedure is scheduled for 9:30am and should only last about 30 minutes. We will however be there for half a day due to anesthesia since she can not move at all during the procedure. It will definitely be a trying day, but I put my faith in God and Dr. Aliabadi that my baby will be just fine. And he assures us that by the next day, she'll be back to herself. Also by doing this procedure, we will no longer have to have the VCUGs done and there will be no need to cut her open like they sometimes have to when the child gets older.

Then yesterday I had to take Sami to her regular doctor for her 18-month check-up and she is doing awesome. She's developmental at a 2-year old level and socially at a 2 1/2 year old level, which the doctor said she looks like a 2-year old so I guess it's all in line. She's also at the 92% level for head and height and 97% for weight... so even though she's big, she's all in line, we'd only worry if the numbers were far apart from each other. So where did my baby go?

Just 2 more weeks

I weighed in on Friday and I was down another 3.2lbs... that's exactly 32lbs since I started 8 weeks ago. I was so excited, yet nervous at the same time. You see every time I've done Weight Watchers, I've lost 30lbs and then it was over. This time I am determined to hit my goal. I figure if I can get through the next 2 weeks, I will hit my goal. So wish me luck and stay tuned.

So Proud

I'm down another 2 lbs from last week for a total of 29 lbs!!! That's so exciting and reenergizing. I was a little down this week because I didn't see the scale moving as much throughout the week, but today is the day that counts. I really do need to get to the gym since I haven't in a couple months and I know that would really boost my weight loss. I just feel guilty leaving Sami and missing out on putting her to bed since that's the only time that really works for us. That and the fact that once I get home from working all day, pick up Sami, feed her, cook a meal for Jason and I, clean up after dinner and do the dishes, the last thing I want to do it go workout... I just want to sit my ass on the couch. I guess I just need to change my way of thinking... I'm not taking anything away from Sami by going to the gym. Her father can put her to sleep and the time I put in now means I won't die from heart disease at a younger age which means in the long run, she'll have more time with me.

She's growing by leaps and bounds and it just blows my mind. Now I don't have a lot to compare to being that she's my first, but she is so smart for her age. She says so many words and even though we don't completely understand it always, she does piece together words as well. And a drumroll please....... Sami went pee-pee on the potty last night!!! Now she has been sawing for months that she wants to go potty, but once she gets in there, she just sits on the toilet and smiles. And 2 nights ago, Jason was with her when after removing her and putting her back on teh potty twice and after about 5-10 minutes, she tinkled a little. But last night was so different. She stood by the bathroom door and said potty, so I went in, took her diaper off, put her on the potty, I saw the determination in her face and then she tinkled right away. We clapped and said YA!! and praised her and she was so proud of herself. I think her favorite part besides playing with toilet paper and making sudsies after going potty (that's fun talk for washing her hands). She's not even 18 months, but yet she's doing so well. She loves reading books and even repeats so many words that we read. I'm beaming today!!!

Pushing Through

So at 6 weeks into this journey, I have lost a total of 27lbs and have passed my 10% weight loss goal. This week was different on the scale though. With the 30lb mark lumming, I'm scared of failing. I have done Weight Watchers a few times in the past and I've always lost 30lbs and then fell back into my old routines. So I'm trying harder then ever to just push through the next 10lbs... if I can get to 40lbs, then I can get to 50 and so on. I'm doing everything according to the plan, but I'm thinking I need to start exercising which is the difficult part for me. Not that I don't enjoy it, it's finding the time. But I suppose I should use the gym membership that I pay for every month.

I think the reason it's a little more difficult right now is that I feel lost in my personal life. The one person that I feel should be supporting me through this just isn't and that's so discouraging. Every week I'm so excited about sharing my weight loss success and the one person that should celebrate with me, doesn't even ask how it's going. I'm struggling a lot with that and there's other things surrounding that too, but nothing I feel comfortable talking about here. I just have a lot of thinking to do and I just don't want to think anymore... I want my happy, carefree and most of all happy life back.