Selfishness

I will admit that at times I can be selfish, I think everyone can be and even at times needs to be. But when it comes to your child, I think that's one circumstance where selfishness is not allowed. Now don't get me wrong, you do need time away from your child and I don't consider that selfish as long as it's not hurting your relationship with your child. But when you put your own needs and wants above your child's safety and overall well-being that's completely selfish and just wrong.

Yesterday was a very emotionally taxing day. My brother is going through a divorce and has full physical custody of their 5-year old boy. My brother provides everything for my nephew and does an amazing job taking care of him. Yet his ex could care less about her son. To her he's just a pawn in a game. She doesn't realize or she doesn't care that the decisions she is making are not what's best for her son and that she's playing a game with people's lifes and that's not right or fair for any of them. I just feel so sad for my nephew that someday he will know what kind of person his mother was and the emotional roller coaster he is going to be on the rest of his life because of who she is. But all I can do is hug him and love him and try to make up for what his mother will not and can not provide because that's what he deserves. As my mom would tell me and I try to do... Let go and let God. There's nothing I can do to change the horrible monster that is my ex-sister-in-law. God is the only one with the power to do that. So I will let it go and let God take care of her.

Speaking of God... I've really been wanting to go to church every Sunday, but have had a difficult time making the commitment... not because I don't want to, but because I have so much other "stuff" going on. I need to schedule that time for God each week and do the best I can to keep that appointment, which anyone who knows me will tell you that I hate when things don't go according to plan, so here's my word and commitment to schedule time for God. I never felt as good in my life as when I was going to church every Sunday, attending Alpha once a week and praying daily... life was great and I felt the best I ever had. I want that again and I will make it happen.